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May 12, 2015

Giving Up the Right to Be Right

My husband Matt almost never gets mad at me. He never gets offended, takes things the wrong way, or has his feelings hurt. Seriously. Of all of our fights in our entire relationship, 97% happen because I’m mad at him...

My husband Matt almost never gets mad at me.

He never gets offended, takes things the wrong way, or has his feelings hurt.

Seriously. Of all of our fights in our entire relationship, 97% happen because I’m mad at him and maybe 3% happen because he’s mad at me. Even then, I wouldn’t call it mad—I’d say he’s frustrated.

The other day, during a situation where Matt definitely had the right to be mad at me, I realized something:

The fact that my husband almost never gets mad doesn’t say something about me; it says something about him.

It would be easy to think I must be mad at him because he’s a bad husband. And if he’s never mad at me, it’s because I am a perfect wife.

But that’s not the case at all. In fact, if we were keeping score of screw-ups, I mess up about ten times as often as he does. Maybe it’s because I’ve got a “hot-headed” personality, or maybe it’s because I am creative and scatterbrained. But, either way, he has plenty of opportunities to get mad at me and doesn’t.

When I get an attitude for no reason, spend too much money at T.J. Maxx, or most recently, accidentally flood our upstairs bathroom, he chooses not to get mad.

Don’t think he’s scared to bring something up, because he’s not. He talks to me about problems anytime he feels the need to. But he is logical, patient, thoughtful, kind and grace-filled when he addresses issues with me. He doesn’t get mad.

That choice, because it is a choice, leads to more love, peace and happiness in our marriage. By learning from him, I am constantly challenged to make that choice more often also.

Of course there will always be plenty of opportunities to get mad, but what if we all just simply chose not to anyway? What if we chose to give up our right to be right and instead put our boxing gloves down?

Like in my marriage, it would lead to more love, peace and happiness in our relationships.

But it would also say more about who we are than it ever would about the people or situations that may have offended us.

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Leave a Comment

  1. Kendra says:

    I agree in the peaceful moments. The difficultly is remember this fact when I want to be mad. Thanks for the reminder.

  2. Christina says:

    It’s good to hear that there are other people out there who don’t get mad at their spouse. I’ve wondered sometimes if we are doing something wrong because my husband and I don’t fight. We both tend to walk away from situations and come back and discuss them once we are both calmed down.